Revision Library

revisionlibrary.co.uk

11+ · English - Creative Writing (Narrative and Descriptive Focus)

EP.E49 Creative Writing Focus Set 3

GL ASSESSMENT / CSSE 11+ Entrance English (GL Assessment / CSSE style) · Calculators not allowed · about 90 minutes

Total Marks

Name: _______________________________ Date: ____ / ____ / ______

Answer ALL questions. Show all your working.

The three sentences below all start with 'The'. Rewrite each one using the opener type stated in brackets. You may reorder the information, but you must not lose any of it.

(a)The dog ran across the field, barking loudly. (Rewrite using an -ing opener, e.g. 'Barking...')(1)

(b)The rain hammered against the window all night. (Rewrite using an adverb opener, e.g. 'Relentlessly,...')(1)

(c)The children hid behind the wall when the alarm sounded. (Rewrite using a preposition opener, e.g. 'Behind...')(1)

(Total for Question 1 is 3 marks)

Expand each bare noun phrase below into a detailed noun phrase, adding at least two relevant descriptive details that fit the story context given. You must use more than a single adjective before the noun (for example, add detail before AND after the noun, e.g. 'the cottage' becomes 'the crumbling stone cottage with ivy creeping up its walls').

(a)Expand 'the bridge' for an adventure story in which the bridge is old and unsafe.(2)

(b)Expand 'the shopkeeper' for a market story in which the shopkeeper is mysterious and watchful.(2)

(Total for Question 2 is 4 marks)

The passage below is set in an abandoned funfair at night. Add ONE precise word to each gap to build an eerie atmosphere. Write only your chosen word for each gap, not the whole sentence.

(a)'The rusted carousel turned with a ____ that echoed across the empty field.' (an onomatopoeic sound word)(1)

(b)'Strings of fairy lights hung ____, some still flickering weakly.' (a precise visual detail)(1)

(c)'Somewhere in the dark, a gate ____ against its rusted hinges.' (an onomatopoeic sound word)(1)

(Total for Question 3 is 3 marks)

Rewrite the sentence below as a sequence of SHORT sentences (no more than five words each) to build tension as the character realises she is not alone. You must keep all the original information, and your sentences must still make sense on their own: 'Maya stood completely still in the middle of the corridor, listening as the footsteps grew louder behind her and the lights above her began to flicker one by one.'

(Total for Question 4 is 4 marks)

For each subject below, write ONE original simile and ONE original metaphor. Your images must be fresh: do not use well-known comparisons such as 'as brave as a lion' or 'time is money'.

(Total for Question 5 is 5 marks)

Descriptions are often more effective when they move from a WIDE view to a CLOSE-UP detail, like a camera zooming in. Write a short description (3 to 4 sentences) of a school playground at lunchtime. Start with a wide view of the whole playground and end with ONE small, close-up detail that you notice.

(Total for Question 6 is 5 marks)

Below are the topic sentences that open three consecutive paragraphs describing a school sports day. As currently written, they do not link together. The first is done for you: 'The sports day started at nine o'clock.' Rewrite sentences 2 and 3 below (keeping their main content) so that each uses a cohesive device, such as a time connective or a reference back to the paragraph before, to link clearly to what came before it.

(a)Sentence 2: 'There was a long jump competition.'(2)

(b)Sentence 3: 'The prize-giving happened at the end.'(2)

(Total for Question 7 is 4 marks)

Before writing a story titled 'The Last Delivery', complete the five-box planning grid below. Write brief notes (not full sentences) for each stage of the story.

(a)Opening: introduce the character and setting.(1)

(b)Build-up: something starts to go wrong or feel strange.(1)

(c)Climax: the most dramatic moment of the story.(1)

(d)Resolution: how the immediate problem is sorted out.(1)

(e)Ending: how the story finishes, AND briefly explain why your five notes fit together as one connected story (not five separate ideas).(2)

(Total for Question 8 is 6 marks)

Write the OPENING PARAGRAPH (approximately 60 to 90 words) of a story titled 'The Storm Warning'. Your opening must hook the reader immediately and clearly establish the setting. Do not write the rest of the story.

(Total for Question 9 is 10 marks)

Write ONE descriptive paragraph (approximately 80 to 100 words) describing a busy high-street market on a Saturday morning. You must use at least THREE different senses (not only sight) and at least one piece of figurative language.

(Total for Question 10 is 10 marks)

Write a short passage of DIALOGUE (approximately 8 to 10 lines of speech) between two siblings, Priya and Leon, who disagree about whether to tell their parents about a window they have broken. Use dialogue conventions accurately (a new line for each new speaker, correctly punctuated speech), and show each character's feelings through what they say and how they say it, without writing 'she said angrily' after every line.

(Total for Question 11 is 8 marks)

The passage below is written as one long run-on sentence, joined incorrectly by commas (comma splices). Rewrite it correctly, using a mixture of full stops and at least ONE semicolon OR at least ONE subordinating conjunction to fix the punctuation. Do not change the content or the order of ideas: 'The coach pulled up outside the museum, everyone rushed to get their bags, Mr Owusu-Adjei counted the class twice, he was worried someone had been left behind, the doors of the museum were huge and made of dark wood, they creaked when the guide pushed them open, inside the air smelled of polish and old paper, nobody spoke for a moment, it felt like stepping into another century.'

(Total for Question 12 is 6 marks)

The words 'nice', 'said', 'big' and 'walked' are used in the short passage below. Replace EACH one with a more precise, context-appropriate alternative. Do not change any other words: 'It was a nice morning. "Come on," said Grandad. We walked to the big oak tree at the end of the lane.'

(a)Replace 'nice'.(1)

(b)Replace 'said'.(1)

(c)Replace 'walked'.(1)

(d)Replace 'big', AND check that all four of your replacement words together keep a consistent, natural tone across the whole passage.(2)

(Total for Question 13 is 5 marks)

Write a full descriptive piece (approximately 250 to 350 words) titled 'The Empty Fairground'. You are describing a place, not telling a story: there should be no significant sequence of plot events. Plan briefly before you write, and use the whole page.

(Total for Question 14 is 20 marks)

Write a story (approximately 350 to 450 words) that begins with these exact words: 'The letter had been waiting for ten years.' You may continue directly from this sentence. Plan your structure briefly before you write, and leave a little time at the end to check your work.

(Total for Question 15 is 24 marks)

Write ONLY the turning-point (climax) scene from a story, in which a character realises they have been locked inside the school hall alone, just as the lights go out in a power cut. Do not write the whole story: focus on building tension and use sentence structure and punctuation deliberately to control pace. Approximately 150 to 200 words.

(Total for Question 16 is 12 marks)

The paragraph below is flat and repetitive. Rewrite it as a single improved paragraph. Do not simply add adjectives to every noun. You must: vary your sentence openers and lengths; combine at least THREE of the short sentences into more complex sentences using subordination; add at least one piece of figurative language; and remove the monotonous 'I' plus verb pattern used throughout: 'I walked to school. It was cold. I saw some cars. I saw a dog. I got to school. I went inside. The bell rang. I sat down.'

(Total for Question 17 is 10 marks)

Write the OPENING of a story titled 'Three Minutes to Go' (approximately 100 to 120 words) that uses a flash-forward structure. Begin at the most exciting or dangerous moment of the story, then use a clear structural marker (for example a paragraph break combined with a time phrase) to jump back and begin explaining, in a sentence or two, how the character got there.

(Total for Question 18 is 10 marks)

Mark scheme · EP.E49 Creative Writing Focus Set 3

Question 1

(a) B1 correct -ing opener (present participle) used at the start of the sentence, grammatically accurate, retaining both the running and the barking oe
(a) Answer: Barking loudly, the dog ran across the field.
(b) B1 correct adverb opener used at the start of the sentence, followed by a comma, grammatically accurate, retaining all original information oe
(b) Answer: Relentlessly, the rain hammered against the window all night.
(c) B1 correct preposition opener used at the start of the sentence, grammatically accurate, retaining all original information oe
(c) Answer: Behind the wall, the children hid when the alarm sounded.

Question 2

(a) B1 an expanded noun phrase with at least two relevant descriptive details consistent with an old, unsafe bridge oe
(a) B1 details are grammatically integrated (pre- and/or post-modification, not just a string of adjectives) and specific rather than generic oe
(a) Answer: the rope bridge, its planks rotten and swaying dangerously over the gorge
(b) B1 an expanded noun phrase with at least two relevant descriptive details consistent with a mysterious, watchful shopkeeper oe
(b) B1 details are grammatically integrated (pre- and/or post-modification, not just a string of adjectives) and specific rather than generic oe
(b) Answer: the hunched shopkeeper, whose pale eyes seemed to follow every customer around the stall

Question 3

(a) B1 any onomatopoeic word suggesting an unpleasant grinding, creaking or whining sound, fitting the sentence grammatically oe
(a) Answer: screech / groan / creak / whine
(b) B1 any precise visual word suggesting disorder or decay (e.g. tangled, broken, sagging), fitting the sentence grammatically oe
(b) Answer: tangled / broken / sagging
(c) B1 any onomatopoeic word suggesting a creaking or grating sound, fitting the sentence grammatically oe
(c) Answer: creaked / groaned / screeched

Question 4

B1 all key information from the original sentence is retained (stillness, footsteps growing louder, the lights flickering) oe
B1 at least three separate sentences are used, each no more than five words long oe
B1 each sentence is grammatically complete, or a single-word sentence is used deliberately for effect oe
B1 the sequencing of the short sentences builds tension effectively, for example through escalation or repetition oe
Answer: Maya stood still. Footsteps. Louder now. Closer. The lights flickered, one by one.

Question 5

B1 an original simile for 'fear', grammatically correct (using 'like' or 'as'), that fits the connotations of fear oe
B1 an original metaphor for 'fear', stated directly (X is Y, or an equivalent construction), that fits the connotations of fear oe
B1 an original simile for 'a busy road', grammatically correct, that fits the connotations of a busy road oe
B1 an original metaphor for 'a busy road', stated directly, that fits the connotations of a busy road oe
B1 none of the four images is a well-known cliche, and all four are apt to their subject cao
Answer: Fear (simile): Fear crept over her like cold water seeping into a shoe. Fear (metaphor): Fear was a fist closing slowly around her chest. A busy road (simile): The traffic moved like a line of ants refusing to break formation. A busy road (metaphor): The road was a river of metal, never once running dry.

Question 6

B1 opens with a genuinely wide view of the whole or general scene, rather than a single detail oe
B1 the description narrows progressively rather than jumping straight from wide view to close-up oe
B1 ends with one specific, small, close-up detail oe
B1 the close-up detail is used purposefully, for example to suggest a mood, contrast with the wide view, or hint at a story oe
B1 the piece reads as one coherent, fluent description rather than a list of disconnected sentences oe
Answer: The playground stretched out under a flat grey sky, dozens of children scattered across the tarmac in shrieking clusters. Nearer the wall, a smaller group huddled around something on the ground. Closer still, only Priya and her football remained, the ball resting untouched beside her trainers. A single ladybird was climbing, slowly and pointlessly, along the toe of her shoe.

Question 7

(a) B1 the sentence retains its original core content (a long jump competition takes place) oe
(a) B1 a genuine cohesive device links the sentence to the sports day starting (e.g. a time connective, or reference back to the start of the day) oe
(a) Answer: An hour after the opening whistle, the long jump competition began on the far side of the field.
(b) B1 the sentence retains its original core content (a prize-giving takes place at the end of the day) oe
(b) B1 a genuine cohesive device links the sentence to earlier events (e.g. echoed vocabulary, a time connective, or reference to the competitions already described) oe
(b) Answer: Once every event, including the long jump, had been completed, the whole school gathered for the prize-giving.

Question 8

(a) B1 relevant, specific notes introducing a character and setting, consistent with the title oe
(a) Answer: Jozef delivers parcels on his bike after school; tonight's last address on his list does not seem to exist.
(b) B1 relevant notes showing an early sign of the coming problem, consistent with the story idea oe
(b) Answer: The address leads to a boarded-up shop; a light is on inside even though the shutters look untouched in years.
(c) B1 relevant notes describing the most dramatic moment, directly connected to the earlier build-up oe
(c) Answer: Jozef knocks and the shutter rises on its own; inside, an old woman is waiting for a parcel addressed to someone who died thirty years ago.
(d) B1 relevant notes showing the immediate problem being resolved, consistent with earlier stages oe
(d) Answer: Jozef hands over the parcel anyway; the woman thanks him quietly and the shutter comes down again before he can ask any questions.
(e) B1 relevant notes providing a sense of ending or reflection, consistent with the rest of the plan oe
(e) B1 a brief, valid explanation of how the five stages connect into one logical story arc, referring to at least two of the earlier stages oe
(e) Answer: Ending: Jozef checks the delivery firm's records the next day and finds the shop was demolished decades ago, and he never takes that route again. Why it connects: the strange light in stage 2 sets up the impossible shop in stage 3, and the woman's calm thanks in stage 4 makes the ending's discovery (that the shop cannot really exist) feel unsettling rather than random.

Question 9

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): A compelling, original opening that hooks the reader immediately and sustains interest; the setting is vividly and economically established, creating a clear sense of atmosphere and place.
- Level 2 (3-4): A clear opening that engages the reader with a relevant hook (for example a question, action, or intriguing statement); the setting is established with some descriptive detail.
- Level 1 (1-2): A simple opening with a limited attempt to hook the reader; the setting is stated but not developed.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, including a range of punctuation used confidently; sentence structures are varied and controlled for effect.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate spelling and punctuation, with some variety of sentence structure, though not always used for effect.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 10

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): Vivid, well-controlled description using three or more senses convincingly; figurative language is original and enhances the atmosphere of a busy market.
- Level 2 (3-4): Clear description using at least two senses with relevant detail; includes an attempt at figurative language that mostly fits the scene.
- Level 1 (1-2): Simple description using mainly sight; limited range of sensory detail; any figurative language is undeveloped or a well-worn cliche.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, with ambitious vocabulary and varied, controlled sentence structures used to convey the bustle of the scene.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate spelling and punctuation; some variety of sentence length and openers, but simple sentence structures are repeated.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 11

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5): Dialogue convincingly reveals each sibling's distinct feelings and attitude to the disagreement through what they say and how they say it, with minimal reliance on explanatory tags.
- Level 2 (3-4): Dialogue reveals some difference in the siblings' feelings or attitudes through word choice; the exchange feels reasonably natural.
- Level 1 (1-2): Dialogue is functional but mostly tells the reader how each sibling feels rather than showing it; little sense of individual voice.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3): Fully accurate dialogue punctuation throughout, including a new line for each new speaker and correctly placed speech marks and terminal punctuation.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate dialogue punctuation, with occasional slips in the new-speaker-new-line convention or speech mark placement.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 12

B1 'The coach pulled up outside the museum' and 'everyone rushed to get their bags' correctly separated (full stop, or accurately joined with a conjunction) cao
B1 'Mr Owusu-Adjei counted the class twice' and 'he was worried someone had been left behind' correctly separated or accurately joined (e.g. with 'because') cao
B1 'the doors of the museum were huge and made of dark wood' correctly separated from the surrounding text cao
B1 'they creaked when the guide pushed them open' correctly separated, with the subordinating conjunction 'when' retained and accurately punctuated cao
B1 'inside the air smelled of polish and old paper' and 'nobody spoke for a moment' correctly separated cao
B1 no comma splices remain anywhere in the passage, AND at least one semicolon or subordinating conjunction is used correctly somewhere in the response cao
Answer: The coach pulled up outside the museum. Everyone rushed to get their bags. Mr Owusu-Adjei counted the class twice because he was worried someone had been left behind. The doors of the museum were huge and made of dark wood; they creaked when the guide pushed them open. Inside, the air smelled of polish and old paper. Nobody spoke for a moment. It felt like stepping into another century.

Question 13

(a) B1 a more precise adjective describing the morning, e.g. crisp, bright, mild, fresh oe
(a) Answer: crisp / bright / mild
(b) B1 a more precise speech verb fitting an encouraging, slightly impatient tone, e.g. urged, called, chivvied oe
(b) Answer: urged / called
(c) B1 a more precise verb of movement fitting a relaxed morning walk, e.g. strolled, ambled, wandered oe
(c) Answer: strolled / ambled
(d) B1 a more precise adjective describing the oak tree, e.g. ancient, towering, sprawling oe
(d) B1 all four replacement words together read naturally as one consistent passage, with no jarring shift in register or formality oe
(d) Answer: ancient / towering

Question 14

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 4 (10-12): Sophisticated, original description that sustains atmosphere and viewpoint throughout; ambitious figurative language used precisely for effect; a deliberately crafted structure (for example a shifting focus, or contrast between past and present) shapes the reader's response.
- Level 3 (7-9): Detailed, engaging description using a range of the senses and some figurative language; a clear and controlled viewpoint (spatial or chronological) with effective paragraphing.
- Level 2 (4-6): Clear description with some relevant detail and a recognisable viewpoint (for example moving through the scene); organisation is mostly logical, with some paragraphing.
- Level 1 (1-3): Simple description with limited detail; little sense of viewpoint or structure; ideas may be listed rather than developed.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 3 (6-8): Spelling and punctuation are accurate throughout, including ambitious vocabulary and a wide range of punctuation used confidently and precisely for effect; sentence structures are varied and skilfully controlled.
- Level 2 (3-5): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, used to support meaning; a good range of sentence structures used with some control for effect.
- Level 1 (1-2): Frequent errors in spelling, punctuation and sentence structure that may obscure meaning.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 15

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 4 (12-14): A sophisticated, carefully structured narrative that manages the reader's response throughout, for example through pace, suspense or a controlled twist. Ambitious and precise vocabulary. A confident range of literary techniques used for deliberate effect. A strong, distinctive narrative voice, and full, purposeful use of the given opening line.
- Level 3 (8-11): A well-organised narrative with a clear structure, including an engaging development from the opening line and a satisfying or deliberately unresolved ending. A range of vocabulary and some deliberate use of literary techniques (for example dialogue, varied sentence lengths) to create effect.
- Level 2 (4-7): A clear narrative with a recognisable beginning, middle and end. Some appropriate vocabulary choices and occasional use of description or dialogue. Some awareness of the reader, for example through a simple attempt at atmosphere or tension.
- Level 1 (1-3): A simple, single-idea narrative. Limited vocabulary and mostly simple sentence structures. Little sense of structure, with beginning, middle and end uneven or unclear.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 4 (9-10): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are accurate throughout, even in ambitious or complex constructions. Punctuation is used for deliberate stylistic effect.
- Level 3 (6-8): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are consistently accurate across a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and direct speech where used.
- Level 2 (3-5): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are mostly accurate on simple sentence structures; some errors appear on more ambitious or complex sentences.
- Level 1 (1-2): Frequent errors in spelling, punctuation and grammar that sometimes obscure meaning. Little variety of sentence structure.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 16

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (6-7): A tightly controlled, gripping turning-point scene; both the realisation of being locked in and the power cut are vividly dramatised, sustaining tension throughout.
- Level 2 (3-5): Clear building of tension with a recognisable turning point; the realisation and the power cut are both described with some immediacy.
- Level 1 (1-2): Some sense of danger or urgency, but pacing is inconsistent, or the turning point is not clearly dramatised.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 3 (5): Sentence structures and punctuation (for example short sentences, or a fragment used sparingly and precisely) are deliberately and skilfully controlled to build tension and control pace, with full accuracy.
- Level 2 (3-4): Some use of sentence length or structure to affect pace, for example some short sentences; mostly accurate punctuation.
- Level 1 (1-2): Sentence structures are not varied or controlled for pace; punctuation errors may distract from the tension being built.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 17

Technical accuracy (sentence variety) (AO6)
- Level 3 (5-6): At least three original short sentences are successfully combined using accurate subordination; sentence openers and lengths are varied confidently and correctly punctuated throughout.
- Level 2 (3-4): Some successful combination of sentences using subordination; a little more variety in sentence openers and lengths than the original.
- Level 1 (1-2): Limited combination of sentences; sentence openers are still mostly repeated; at most one clause is joined by subordination.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Content (descriptive improvement) (AO5)
- Level 2 (3-4): Effective, original descriptive detail and figurative language are woven naturally into the improved paragraph, genuinely enhancing it.
- Level 1 (1-2): Some added descriptive detail and one piece of figurative language, though it may be undeveloped or only loosely connected to the sentence.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 18

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): A confidently controlled flash-forward: the opening moment is genuinely tense or dramatic, the structural marker signalling the jump back is clear and purposeful, and the two time-frames are linked coherently.
- Level 2 (3-4): A recognisable flash-forward opening with a workable structural marker to signal the jump back; some engagement created by the dramatic opening moment.
- Level 1 (1-2): Attempts a flash-forward, but the structure is unclear, or the jump back to earlier events is abrupt or confusing for the reader.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate punctuation and sentence control, including a precise, deliberately chosen device (for example a paragraph break combined with a time connective) to mark the shift between time-frames.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate; a basic device, such as a simple time phrase, is used to mark the shift between time-frames.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Creative Writing Focus Set 3 - Worksheets, Questions and Revision