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11+ · English - Writing Craft (Planning and Structure)

EP.E12 Writing: Planning and Structure Drills

GL ASSESSMENT / CSSE 11+ Entrance English (GL Assessment / CSSE style) · Calculators not allowed · about 60 minutes

Total Marks

Name: _______________________________ Date: ____ / ____ / ______

Answer ALL questions. Show all your working.

Read each opening sentence below. Each one uses a different technique for starting a story: an action opening, a dialogue opening, a description/atmosphere opening, or a question opening. Identify which technique is used in each sentence.

(a)Amara's trainers slammed against the wet pavement as the alarm wailed behind her.(1)

(b)"Nobody move," whispered Mr Osei, his torch flicking across the empty hall.(1)

(c)A thick grey mist rolled over the harbour, swallowing the fishing boats one by one.(1)

(d)What would you do if the last bus home had already gone?(1)

(Total for Question 1 is 4 marks)

Here is a story idea: 'A pupil discovers a hidden room at the back of the school library.' Write THREE different opening sentences for this story. Use a different technique for each part, as labelled below.

(a)Write an action opening (start with something happening).(2)

(b)Write a dialogue opening (start with someone speaking).(2)

(c)Write a description/atmosphere opening (start by describing a place, object or mood).(2)

(Total for Question 2 is 6 marks)

Rewrite each 'telling' sentence below as a 'showing' sentence. Use action, behaviour or detail to let the reader work out the feeling for themselves. Do not use the word given in brackets anywhere in your answer.

(a)Jamal was nervous before his exam. (Do not use the word 'nervous'.)(2)

(b)The kitchen was messy. (Do not use the word 'messy'.)(2)

(c)Grandma Wilkins was proud of Leah. (Do not use the word 'proud'.)(2)

(Total for Question 3 is 6 marks)

Each sentence below contains an underlined verb phrase that is weak or vague. Replace it with ONE single, stronger verb that keeps the same meaning. Do not change any other part of the sentence.

(a)She __walked quickly__ across the yard.(1)

(b)He __said quietly__ that he was sorry.(1)

(c)The dog __ate its food fast__.(1)

(d)The wind __blew hard__ against the windows.(1)

(e)Tom __looked closely__ at the map.(1)

(Total for Question 4 is 5 marks)

Each sentence below contains an underlined intensifier and adjective (e.g. 'very tired'). Replace the whole underlined phrase with ONE precise adjective that keeps the same meaning.

(a)Priya was __very tired__ after the long walk.(1)

(b)The manor house was __very old__.(1)

(c)Oliver was __very scared__ of the dark cellar.(1)

(d)Ffion was __very happy__ with her results.(1)

(e)It was a __very cold__ morning on the coast.(1)

(Total for Question 5 is 5 marks)

The five paragraphs of a story plan below have been jumbled up. Write them in the correct order using their letters (for example: X, Y, Z, X, Y), then give one reason for your ordering.

P: Priya and Dev finally reach home just as the storm breaks, and their mother is waiting anxiously at the door.
Q: As they walk home from the corner shop, Priya notices the sky turning a strange, greenish colour.
R: Priya and her younger brother, Dev, set off from the corner shop with their arms full of shopping.
S: Thunder cracks directly overhead and the shopping bag splits, scattering tins across the road just as the rain starts.
T: The usual shortcut through the park is blocked by a fallen tree, forcing them to find another way home.

(Total for Question 6 is 2 marks)

Rewrite the paragraph below so that it has more sentence variety. Your rewrite must include: (1) one short sentence of five words or fewer used for impact, (2) one sentence that opens with a subordinate clause (starting with a word such as 'Although', 'As', 'Because', 'When' or 'Before'), and (3) one compound sentence joining two independent clauses with a conjunction such as 'but', 'so', 'and' or 'yet'. You may reorder events, but you must keep the same story content.

Original paragraph: 'The rain started. Fatima ran to the bus stop. She was too late. The bus had already gone. She had to walk home in the rain.'

(Total for Question 7 is 4 marks)

Here is a story idea: 'A group of friends get separated on a school trip to a castle, and one of them finds a hidden passage.' Complete the Story Mountain plan below. Write one or two sentences of notes for each stage.

(a)Opening: introduce the character(s) and setting.(1)

(b)Build-up: something starts to go wrong or change.(1)

(c)Problem/climax: the most dramatic moment, linked to the hidden passage.(1)

(d)Resolution: how the immediate problem is sorted out.(1)

(e)Ending: how the story finishes and what has changed.(1)

(Total for Question 8 is 5 marks)

Here is a different story idea: 'A pupil finds an old key that does not fit any door they know.' Use the 5-part plan below to jot down your ideas. Write one or two sentences of notes for each part.

(a)1. Introduce the character and setting.(1)

(b)2. Something changes, or a problem appears (the key is found).(1)

(d)4. Turning point: the most dramatic or surprising moment.(1)

(e)5. Resolution: how it ends, and what the character learns or realises.(1)

(Total for Question 9 is 5 marks)

Rewrite each sentence below to show the feeling through action, dialogue or detail, without naming the emotion. These are harder than before: the feelings are more complex or mixed. Do not use the words given in brackets anywhere in your answer.

(a)Mrs Okafor felt a mix of relief and disappointment when the exam results came in. (Do not use 'relief' or 'disappointment'.)(2)

(b)Zainab felt torn between loyalty to her friend and telling the truth. (Do not use 'torn' or 'loyalty'.)(2)

(Total for Question 10 is 4 marks)

Timed task: you have 5 minutes. Plan (do NOT write in full) a story for the title 'The Door That Should Not Have Been There'. Use bullet points only. Note: your chosen opening technique, three to four key events in order, and how the story will end.

(Total for Question 11 is 6 marks)

Timed task: you have 5 minutes. Plan (bullet points only) a story that begins with the sentence: 'The last thing Oliver expected to find in his grandmother's shed was a map.' Note in bullet points: the build-up (what the map shows and how Oliver reacts), a problem or obstacle, the climax (the most dramatic moment), and the resolution.

(Total for Question 12 is 6 marks)

Mark scheme · EP.E12 Writing: Planning and Structure Drills

Question 1

(a) B1 action opening (oe: opens with movement/an event already happening) cao
(a) Answer: action opening
(b) B1 dialogue opening (oe: opens with spoken words in speech marks) cao
(b) Answer: dialogue opening
(c) B1 description/atmosphere opening (oe: opens by describing a setting or mood) cao
(c) Answer: description/atmosphere opening
(d) B1 question opening (oe: opens by directly addressing the reader with a question) cao
(d) Answer: question opening

Question 2

(a) B1 opens with movement/an event already underway, not with description or speech oe
(a) B1 a specific, vivid verb or detail used (e.g. 'swung inward', 'dust exploding') rather than a generic action oe
(a) Answer: Ibrahim's fingers had barely brushed the loose shelf before it swung inward, dust exploding into the beam of his torch.
(b) B1 opens directly with spoken words in correctly punctuated speech marks oe
(b) B1 the dialogue reveals character reaction or curiosity relevant to the discovery oe
(b) Answer: "There's no way this door has always been here," said Grace, pressing her palm flat against the cold brick.
(c) B1 opens with description of setting/atmosphere rather than action or speech oe
(c) B1 sensory or atmospheric detail used (e.g. smell, temperature) to create mood oe
(c) Answer: At the very back of the library, behind the shelf marked "Reference - do not remove", the air smelled of old paper and something colder, older.

Question 3

(a) B1 the banned word ('nervous') and any direct synonym for it are not used oe
(a) B1 a concrete, specific action or physical detail that implies the feeling (e.g. tapping pen, bouncing knee) oe
(a) Answer: Jamal's pen tapped against the desk three times before he had even opened the paper, and his knee would not stop bouncing under the table.
(b) B1 the banned word ('messy') and any direct synonym for it are not used oe
(b) B1 specific, concrete visual detail(s) that show disorder (e.g. stacked plates, a trail of flour) oe
(b) Answer: Unwashed plates were stacked three high in the sink, and a trail of flour led from the counter to the open cupboard door.
(c) B1 the banned word ('proud') and any direct synonym for it are not used oe
(c) B1 an action or behaviour that implies the feeling (e.g. displaying the certificate, telling others) oe
(c) Answer: Grandma Wilkins pinned the certificate to the fridge with a magnet shaped like a strawberry and told the postman about it twice that morning.

Question 4

(a) B1 single strong verb meaning moved quickly, e.g. hurried, strode, dashed, sprinted oe
(a) Answer: hurried / strode / dashed
(b) B1 single strong verb meaning spoke quietly, e.g. murmured, whispered, mumbled oe
(b) Answer: murmured / whispered / mumbled
(c) B1 single strong verb meaning ate quickly/greedily, e.g. gobbled, wolfed, scoffed oe
(c) Answer: gobbled / wolfed / scoffed
(d) B1 single strong verb meaning hit forcefully/repeatedly, e.g. battered, hammered, lashed oe
(d) Answer: battered / hammered / lashed
(e) B1 single strong verb meaning looked at carefully/in detail, e.g. studied, scrutinised, examined oe
(e) Answer: studied / scrutinised / examined

Question 5

(a) B1 single precise adjective meaning extremely tired, e.g. exhausted, shattered, drained oe
(a) Answer: exhausted / shattered / drained
(b) B1 single precise adjective meaning very old (or very old and decaying), e.g. ancient, dilapidated oe
(b) Answer: ancient / dilapidated / crumbling
(c) B1 single precise adjective meaning extremely scared, e.g. terrified, petrified oe
(c) Answer: terrified / petrified
(d) B1 single precise adjective meaning extremely happy, e.g. delighted, elated, thrilled oe
(d) Answer: delighted / elated / thrilled
(e) B1 single precise adjective meaning extremely cold, e.g. freezing, bitter, icy oe
(e) Answer: freezing / bitter / icy

Question 6

B1 correct order given: R, Q, T, S, P (all five letters in the right sequence) cao
B1 a valid reason referencing story structure, e.g. the problem (T) must appear before the climax (S) so tension builds, or the resolution (P) must come after the climax (S) oe
Answer: Correct order: R, Q, T, S, P (Opening, Build-up, Problem, Climax, Resolution).

Question 7

B1 a short sentence of five words or fewer is included and used for impact oe
B1 a sentence opening with a subordinating conjunction (e.g. Although, As, Because, When, Before) is included, correctly punctuated oe
B1 a compound sentence joining two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction (e.g. but, so, and, yet) is included oe
B1 all original story content is retained (rain starting, Fatima running to the bus stop, missing the bus, walking home in the rain) oe
Answer: As the first drops of rain began to fall, Fatima sprinted towards the bus stop, but she was too late. Gone. The number 42 had already pulled away, so she had no choice but to trudge home through the downpour.

Question 8

(a) B1 relevant notes introducing character(s) and the setting, consistent with the story idea oe
(a) Answer: Nia is on a school trip to Conwy Castle with her class; she is paired with her friend Callum for the tour.
(b) B1 relevant notes showing an early sign of the coming problem, consistent with the story idea oe
(b) Answer: The tour guide moves the group on quickly, and Nia stops to look at an old doorway without noticing the others have gone ahead.
(c) B1 relevant notes describing the most dramatic moment, directly involving the hidden passage oe
(c) Answer: Realising she is alone, Nia pushes on the loose doorway to look for the others and finds it swings open onto a narrow stone passage she has never seen before.
(d) B1 relevant notes showing the immediate problem being resolved, consistent with earlier stages oe
(d) Answer: Nia calls out and hears Callum's voice; he has doubled back looking for her, and together they find their way back to the group using the passage as a shortcut.
(e) B1 relevant notes providing a sense of ending or reflection, consistent with the rest of the plan oe
(e) Answer: The teacher is relieved but stern, and Nia and Callum keep the passage a secret, planning to explore further on the next visit.

Question 9

(a) B1 relevant, plausible notes for this stage, consistent with the story idea oe
(a) Answer: Kwame is clearing out his late grandad's shed on a rainy Saturday afternoon.
(b) B1 relevant, plausible notes for this stage, consistent with the story idea oe
(b) Answer: Tucked inside an old tin, he finds a small, tarnished brass key that does not match any lock in the house.
(c) B1 relevant, plausible notes for this stage, consistent with the story idea oe
(c) Answer: Kwame tries the key in the garden gate and the garage door, but neither works, and he almost gives up and puts the key back in the tin.
(d) B1 relevant, plausible notes for this stage, consistent with the story idea oe
(d) Answer: Turning the key over, Kwame notices tiny engraved initials that are not his grandad's, and realises the key might not have started in this house at all.
(e) B1 relevant, plausible notes for this stage, consistent with the story idea oe
(e) Answer: Kwame decides to ask his gran about the initials rather than give up, learning that some mysteries are worth chasing rather than solving alone.

Question 10

(a) B1 neither banned word (or a direct synonym) is used oe
(a) B1 detail or action that captures both a positive and a negative element of the mixed feeling (e.g. relief in the breath/smile, disappointment in not re-reading) oe
(a) Answer: Mrs Okafor let out a long breath and smiled, then quietly slid the letter back into its envelope without reading the second paragraph again.
(b) B1 neither banned word (or a direct synonym) is used oe
(b) B1 detail, action or dialogue that captures the conflict between two options, rather than just one feeling oe
(b) Answer: Zainab opened her mouth twice, and closed it twice, before finally looking at the floor and saying only, "I don't know what happened."

Question 11

Quality of plan (structure and ideas) (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): A well-structured plan with a clear opening technique, a logical build-up and a genuine turning point/climax as well as a resolution. Ideas are specific and original, and there is some awareness of pace (what to build up slowly, what to resolve quickly).
- Level 2 (3-4): A clear plan with an opening, some build-up or problem, and an ending, in a logical order. Some specific detail (names, places) is included, but ideas may be ordinary or a stage may be underdeveloped.
- Level 1 (1-2): A basic plan with an opening idea and an ending, but little sense of build-up, a problem or a turning point. Events are listed with little logical connection.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 12

Quality of plan (structure and ideas) (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): A well-structured plan covering build-up, a clear problem, a genuine turning point/climax and a resolution, all logically connected to the given opening sentence. Ideas are specific and original, with some awareness of pace.
- Level 2 (3-4): A clear plan covering most of build-up, problem, climax and resolution in a logical order, connected to the opening sentence. Some specific detail included, but ideas may be ordinary or a stage underdeveloped.
- Level 1 (1-2): A basic plan with some ideas about what happens next, but little sense of a problem, turning point or resolution. Events are listed with little logical connection to each other or to the opening sentence.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Writing: Planning and Structure Drills - Worksheets, Questions and Revision