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11+ · English - Creative Writing (Narrative and Descriptive Focus)

EP.E63 Creative Writing Focus Set 4

GL ASSESSMENT / CSSE 11+ Entrance English (GL Assessment / CSSE style) · Calculators not allowed · about 90 minutes

Total Marks

Name: _______________________________ Date: ____ / ____ / ______

Answer ALL questions. Show all your working.

Rewrite this sentence, replacing 'busy' and 'noisy' with two more precise, effective words: 'The playground was busy and noisy at morning break.'

(Total for Question 1 is 3 marks)

Deepa has just dropped her tray in the middle of the busy canteen. Without using the word 'embarrassed' anywhere, show how she feels using three different techniques: a physical reaction, an action, and a piece of internal thought.

(Total for Question 2 is 3 marks)

A fox is slipping through a gap in the garden fence at dusk. Complete both tasks below about the same moment.

(a)Write one long, flowing sentence (at least 20 words) that builds up the moment as the fox approaches and squeezes through the gap.(2)

(b)Write one short, sharp sentence (five words or fewer) that captures the moment the fox vanishes into the shadows.(2)

(Total for Question 3 is 4 marks)

A cracked paving slab has been pushed up at an angle by a tree root growing beneath it. Write one original simile AND one original metaphor to describe it. Avoid common comparisons.

(a)Write an original simile describing the pushed-up paving slab.(2)

(b)Write an original metaphor describing the pushed-up paving slab.(2)

(Total for Question 4 is 4 marks)

A blacksmith is at work in a forge on a busy morning. Write one sentence that uses BOTH alliteration and an onomatopoeic word to bring the scene to life.

(Total for Question 5 is 3 marks)

Plan a story titled 'The Understudy' using the five-stage story mountain below. Write one brief note (a phrase, not a full sentence) for each stage.

Figure (to be drawn): A five-box story-mountain outline (opening / build-up / climax / falling action / resolution) for candidates to fill in.

(Total for Question 6 is 5 marks)

A narrowboat cabin on the canal is lit only by a fading torch as dusk falls. Without using the words 'dark', 'scary' or 'creepy', write TWO words or short phrases that convey an uneasy atmosphere.

(Total for Question 7 is 2 marks)

Correct the THREE errors in this short passage, then improve the weak word choice: 'The boat glided threw the water fast. It was really good and the crew felt proud. Coach Reyes waved at them happy from the bank.' There is one homophone error, one adverb error, and one weak/imprecise word choice ('really good') to improve.

(Total for Question 8 is 4 marks)

A Victorian swimming baths has been converted into an indoor climbing centre, with climbing walls built where the pool used to be. Plan a description of this setting using the grid below: write ONE original, specific detail for sight, sound, smell, touch, and an overall atmosphere/feeling. Avoid generic details such as 'it was big' or 'it smelled odd'.

Figure (to be drawn): A five-cell senses-planning grid (sight / sound / smell / touch / atmosphere) for candidates to complete before writing.

(Total for Question 9 is 5 marks)

Using at least THREE ideas from your planning grid in Question 9, write an opening paragraph (80 to 120 words) describing the climbing centre. Focus on creating a strong sense of atmosphere.

(Total for Question 10 is 8 marks)

Write a short exchange of dialogue (4 to 6 lines) between a nervous young climber preparing for a certification assessment and their instructor, set in the climbing centre from Question 9. The dialogue should reveal the climber's nerves WITHOUT either character directly stating that they are nervous or worried.

(Total for Question 11 is 8 marks)

Plan a story titled 'The Wrong Turning' using a five-part structure. For each of the five stages, write one brief planning note, and then add ONE original twist idea that could be included in the story.

(a)Opening: introduce the character and setting.(1)

(b)Build-up: something starts to go wrong or feel strange.(1)

(c)Climax: the most dramatic moment of the story.(1)

(d)Resolution: how the immediate problem is sorted out.(1)

(e)Ending: how the story finishes, AND write ONE original twist idea, briefly explaining how it connects to at least two of your earlier stages.(2)

(Total for Question 12 is 6 marks)

Using your plan from Question 12, write a paragraph (100 to 150 words) building tension as Sam and his uncle realise they have taken the wrong path, leading up to (but not including) the moment they find the correct route.

(Total for Question 13 is 10 marks)

Write a full descriptive piece (approximately 250 to 350 words) titled 'The Bell Foundry'. You are describing a place, not telling a story: there should be no significant sequence of plot events. Plan briefly before you write, and use the whole page.

(Total for Question 14 is 20 marks)

Write a story (approximately 350 to 450 words) that begins with these exact words: 'The scoreboard had been broken since March.' You may continue directly from this sentence. Plan your structure briefly before you write, and leave a little time at the end to check your work.

(Total for Question 15 is 24 marks)

Write ONLY the turning-point (climax) scene from a story, in which a swimmer at an outdoor lido realises the current has carried them further from the steps than they intended. Do not write the whole story: focus on building tension and use sentence structure and punctuation deliberately to control pace. Approximately 150 to 200 words.

(Total for Question 16 is 12 marks)

The paragraph below is flat and repetitive. Rewrite it as a single improved paragraph. Do not simply add adjectives to every noun. You must: vary your sentence openers and lengths; combine at least THREE of the short sentences into more complex sentences using subordination; add at least one piece of figurative language; and remove the monotonous 'I' plus verb pattern used throughout: 'I walked home from practice. It was raining. I saw a cat. I saw a puddle. I got home. I opened the door. My sister laughed. I dripped everywhere.'

(Total for Question 17 is 10 marks)

Write the OPENING of a story titled 'The Final Length' (approximately 100 to 120 words) that uses a flash-forward structure. Begin at the most exciting or dangerous moment of the story, then use a clear structural marker (for example a paragraph break combined with a time phrase) to jump back and begin explaining, in a sentence or two, how the character got there.

(Total for Question 18 is 10 marks)

Mark scheme · EP.E63 Creative Writing Focus Set 4

Question 1

B1 replaces 'busy' with a precise, effective word or phrase (e.g. 'swarming', 'crowded', 'heaving') oe
B1 replaces 'noisy' with a precise, effective word or phrase (e.g. 'clamorous', 'echoing with shouts') oe
B1 sentence remains grammatically accurate and reads fluently as a whole
Answer: The playground was heaving and echoing with shouts at morning break.

Question 2

B1 physical reaction shown effectively without naming the emotion (e.g. 'Her face burned.') oe
B1 action shown effectively without naming the emotion (e.g. 'She dropped to her knees and began scooping up chips before anyone could look properly.') oe
B1 internal thought shown effectively without naming the emotion (e.g. 'Please let the bell go right now.') oe
Answer: Physical - 'Her face burned.' Action - 'She dropped to her knees and began scooping up chips before anyone could look properly.' Thought - 'Please let the bell go right now.'

Question 3

(a) B1 sentence is at least 20 words and uses subordination or coordination to build a sense of continuous movement
(a) B1 sentence is grammatically accurate and creates an effective sense of build-up
(a) Answer: Keeping low to the ground and pausing every few steps to listen, the fox padded silently along the fence line until it found the gap, easing its narrow body through the splintered space between two rotting posts.
(b) B1 sentence is five words or fewer
(b) B1 sentence creates a clear sense of abruptness or sudden disappearance
(b) Answer: Then it was gone.

Question 4

(a) B1 simile is grammatically correct (uses 'like' or 'as')
(a) B1 comparison is original, apt and avoids cliche
(a) Answer: The slab tilted upward like a trapdoor someone had forgotten to close.
(b) B1 statement functions as a metaphor (states one thing is another, without 'like'/'as')
(b) B1 comparison is original, apt and avoids cliche
(b) Answer: The slab was a grey wave, frozen mid-break by the root beneath it.

Question 5

B1 sentence includes a clear example of alliteration (at least two words sharing an initial sound)
B1 sentence includes an apt onomatopoeic word
B1 sentence is fluent, grammatically accurate and vivid as a whole
Answer: Sparks spat and scattered as the hammer clanged against the glowing metal.

Question 6

B1 opening note is relevant and establishes character/setting (e.g. a nervous understudy learns the lead has a cold before the show) oe
B1 build-up note develops logically from the opening (e.g. understudy is told, with an hour's notice, that they must go on stage instead) oe
B1 climax note presents a clear turning point (e.g. understudy forgets a line but improvises and the audience does not notice) oe
B1 falling action note follows logically from the climax (e.g. the understudy finishes the performance and the cast reacts) oe
B1 resolution note provides a clear, appropriate ending (e.g. the original lead recovers, but the director now sees the understudy differently) oe
Answer: Example plan: Opening - nervous understudy Priya learns the lead actor has a cold just before the matinee; Build-up - the director tells Priya, with an hour's notice, that she must go on stage instead; Climax - Priya forgets a line halfway through but invents a new one that the other actor picks up on; Falling action - the performance finishes to warm applause and the cast gathers backstage; Resolution - the original lead recovers for the evening show, but the director asks Priya to understudy the next production's lead role instead.

Question 7

B1 first word/phrase conveys unease without using the banned words, appropriate to the setting oe
B1 second word/phrase conveys unease without using the banned words, appropriate to the setting oe
Answer: 'the torch beam trembling' and 'a hush pressing in from every side'

Question 8

B1 corrects 'threw' to 'through' (homophone error)
B1 corrects 'happy' to 'happily' (adverb error)
B1 replaces 'really good' with a more precise, effective description (e.g. 'flawless', 'their fastest time all season') oe
B1 full corrected passage is grammatically accurate and reads fluently
Answer: The boat glided through the water fast. It was their fastest time all season, and the crew felt proud. Coach Reyes waved at them happily from the bank.

Question 9

B1 sight detail is specific and original (not 'it was big')
B1 sound detail is specific and original
B1 smell detail is specific and original (not 'it smelled odd')
B1 touch detail is specific and original
B1 atmosphere/feeling detail is specific and captures a clear mood
Answer: Example grid: Sight - faded blue and white tiles still visible beneath the climbing holds bolted to the walls; Sound - the squeak of chalked hands on plastic, and carabiners clicking against harnesses; Smell - old chlorine ghosting beneath the newer smell of rubber matting; Touch - the gritty texture of chalk dust settling on the old poolside railings; Atmosphere - a strange layering of two very different places, as if the building has not quite decided what it is.

Question 10

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (4-5): Vivid, well-controlled description weaving in at least three planning-grid ideas naturally; ambitious, precise vocabulary; a strong, sustained sense of atmosphere.
- Level 2 (2-3): Clear description using some planning-grid ideas; developing use of ambitious vocabulary; a developing sense of atmosphere.
- Level 1 (1): Simple description with limited detail or reference to the plan; little sense of atmosphere.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, with varied, controlled sentence structures.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate spelling and punctuation; limited variety of sentence structure.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 11

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (4-5): Dialogue skilfully implies nerves through subtext, tone and word choice rather than direct statement; two clearly distinct, convincing voices.
- Level 2 (2-3): Dialogue implies some nerves indirectly, with an attempt at distinct character voices.
- Level 1 (1): Dialogue is simple and/or states feelings directly; little sense of two distinct voices.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3): Speech punctuation and layout are accurate throughout (new line for each new speaker, correctly placed speech marks and terminal punctuation).
- Level 1 (1-2): Speech punctuation and layout are mostly accurate, with occasional errors.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 12

(a) B1 relevant, specific notes introducing a character and setting, consistent with the title oe
(a) Answer: Sam and his uncle set off on a coastal hike, following a path Sam's uncle walked as a boy.
(b) B1 relevant notes showing an early sign of the coming problem, consistent with the story idea oe
(b) Answer: The waymarker posts stop matching the map, and the path narrows into unfamiliar gorse.
(c) B1 relevant notes describing the most dramatic moment, directly connected to the earlier build-up oe
(c) Answer: With the light fading and the tide visibly rising below the cliff path, Sam realises they have circled back to where they started.
(d) B1 relevant notes showing the immediate problem being resolved, consistent with earlier stages oe
(d) Answer: Sam remembers a landmark from his uncle's old photograph and uses it to find the correct fork in the path before the tide cuts them off.
(e) B1 relevant notes providing a sense of ending or reflection, consistent with the rest of the plan oe
(e) B1 an original, inventive twist idea with a brief, valid explanation of how it connects to at least two named earlier stages oe
(e) Answer: Ending: They reach the car park safely just as it gets properly dark, and Sam's uncle admits he had been lost too, not just testing him. Twist: the old photograph Sam used to find the landmark shows a path that was closed off years ago after a landslide, meaning the 'correct' fork they found no longer officially exists, connecting the climax (fading light, rising tide) and the resolution (finding the fork) to a new layer of danger neither of them noticed.

Question 13

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): Tension built consistently and effectively through varied techniques (pacing, sentence length, sensory detail, withheld information); clear connection to the Question 12 plan.
- Level 2 (3-4): Some effective tension-building techniques used; a developing connection to the Question 12 plan.
- Level 1 (1-2): Limited attempt to build tension; description is basic or list-like; weak connection to the plan.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate spelling, punctuation and grammar; ambitious vocabulary and sentence structures controlled precisely for effect.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate spelling, punctuation and grammar; some variety of sentence length.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 14

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 4 (10-12): Sophisticated, original description that sustains atmosphere and viewpoint throughout; ambitious figurative language used precisely for effect; a deliberately crafted structure (for example a shifting focus, or contrast between heat and stillness) shapes the reader's response.
- Level 3 (7-9): Detailed, engaging description using a range of the senses and some figurative language; a clear and controlled viewpoint with effective paragraphing.
- Level 2 (4-6): Clear description with some relevant detail and a recognisable viewpoint; organisation is mostly logical, with some paragraphing.
- Level 1 (1-3): Simple description with limited detail; little sense of viewpoint or structure; ideas may be listed rather than developed.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 3 (6-8): Spelling and punctuation are accurate throughout, including ambitious vocabulary and a wide range of punctuation used confidently and precisely for effect; sentence structures are varied and skilfully controlled.
- Level 2 (3-5): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, used to support meaning; a good range of sentence structures used with some control for effect.
- Level 1 (1-2): Frequent errors in spelling, punctuation and sentence structure that may obscure meaning.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 15

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 4 (12-14): A sophisticated, carefully structured narrative that manages the reader's response throughout, for example through pace, suspense or a controlled twist. Ambitious and precise vocabulary. A confident range of literary techniques used for deliberate effect. A strong, distinctive narrative voice, and full, purposeful use of the given opening line.
- Level 3 (8-11): A well-organised narrative with a clear structure, including an engaging development from the opening line and a satisfying or deliberately unresolved ending. A range of vocabulary and some deliberate use of literary techniques (for example dialogue, varied sentence lengths) to create effect.
- Level 2 (4-7): A clear narrative with a recognisable beginning, middle and end. Some appropriate vocabulary choices and occasional use of description or dialogue. Some awareness of the reader, for example through a simple attempt at atmosphere or tension.
- Level 1 (1-3): A simple, single-idea narrative. Limited vocabulary and mostly simple sentence structures. Little sense of structure, with beginning, middle and end uneven or unclear.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 4 (9-10): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are accurate throughout, even in ambitious or complex constructions. Punctuation is used for deliberate stylistic effect.
- Level 3 (6-8): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are consistently accurate across a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and direct speech where used.
- Level 2 (3-5): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are mostly accurate on simple sentence structures; some errors appear on more ambitious or complex sentences.
- Level 1 (1-2): Frequent errors in spelling, punctuation and grammar that sometimes obscure meaning. Little variety of sentence structure.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 16

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (6-7): A tightly controlled, gripping turning-point scene; both the realisation and the physical danger are vividly dramatised, sustaining tension throughout.
- Level 2 (3-5): Clear building of tension with a recognisable turning point; the realisation is described with some immediacy.
- Level 1 (1-2): Some sense of danger or urgency, but pacing is inconsistent, or the turning point is not clearly dramatised.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 3 (5): Sentence structures and punctuation are deliberately and skilfully controlled to build tension and control pace, with full accuracy.
- Level 2 (3-4): Some use of sentence length or structure to affect pace; mostly accurate punctuation.
- Level 1 (1-2): Sentence structures are not varied or controlled for pace; punctuation errors may distract from the tension being built.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 17

Technical accuracy (sentence variety) (AO6)
- Level 3 (5-6): At least three original short sentences are successfully combined using accurate subordination; sentence openers and lengths are varied confidently and correctly punctuated throughout.
- Level 2 (3-4): Some successful combination of sentences using subordination; a little more variety in sentence openers and lengths than the original.
- Level 1 (1-2): Limited combination of sentences; sentence openers are still mostly repeated; at most one clause is joined by subordination.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Content (descriptive improvement) (AO5)
- Level 2 (3-4): Effective, original descriptive detail and figurative language are woven naturally into the improved paragraph, genuinely enhancing it.
- Level 1 (1-2): Some added descriptive detail and one piece of figurative language, though it may be undeveloped or only loosely connected to the sentence.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 18

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): A confidently controlled flash-forward: the opening moment is genuinely tense or dramatic, the structural marker signalling the jump back is clear and purposeful, and the two time-frames are linked coherently.
- Level 2 (3-4): A recognisable flash-forward opening with a workable structural marker to signal the jump back; some engagement created by the dramatic opening moment.
- Level 1 (1-2): Attempts a flash-forward, but the structure is unclear, or the jump back to earlier events is abrupt or confusing for the reader.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate punctuation and sentence control, including a precise, deliberately chosen device to mark the shift between time-frames.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate; a basic device, such as a simple time phrase, is used to mark the shift between time-frames.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Creative Writing Focus Set 4 - Worksheets, Questions and Revision