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11+ · English - Creative Writing (Narrative and Descriptive Focus)

EP.E77 Creative Writing Focus Set 5

GL ASSESSMENT / CSSE 11+ Entrance English (GL Assessment / CSSE style) · Calculators not allowed · about 90 minutes

Total Marks

Name: _______________________________ Date: ____ / ____ / ______

Answer ALL questions. Show all your working.

The three sentences below all start with 'The'. Rewrite each one using the opener type stated in brackets. You may reorder the information, but you must not lose any of it.

(a)The hawk circled slowly above the field, hunting for movement in the grass. (Rewrite using an -ing opener, e.g. 'Circling...')(1)

(b)The thunder rolled ominously across the valley just after sunset. (Rewrite using an adverb opener, e.g. 'Suddenly,...')(1)

(c)The cyclist swerved around the pothole at the last second. (Rewrite using a preposition opener, e.g. 'At...')(1)

(Total for Question 1 is 3 marks)

Expand each bare noun phrase below into a detailed noun phrase, adding at least two relevant descriptive details that fit the story context given. You must use more than a single adjective before the noun (for example, add detail before AND after the noun, e.g. 'the cottage' becomes 'the crumbling stone cottage with ivy creeping up its walls').

(a)Expand 'the tunnel' for a story in which an old railway tunnel is being reopened after decades of disuse.(2)

(b)Expand 'the caretaker' for a school story in which the caretaker is kind but forgetful.(2)

(Total for Question 2 is 4 marks)

The passage below is set in an old observatory that has stood locked and unused for years. Add ONE precise word to each gap to build an eerie atmosphere. Write only your chosen word for each gap, not the whole sentence.

(a)'The great dome above them ____ as it slowly began to turn for the first time in years.' (an onomatopoeic sound word)(1)

(b)'Sheets over the old telescopes hung ____, thick with years of dust.' (a precise visual detail)(1)

(c)'Somewhere below, a loose shutter ____ against its frame in the wind.' (an onomatopoeic sound word)(1)

(Total for Question 3 is 3 marks)

Rewrite the sentence below as a sequence of SHORT sentences (no more than five words each) to build tension as the character realises she is not alone in the house. You must keep all the original information, and your sentences must still make sense on their own: 'Elsie sat frozen on the bottom stair, listening as the creak from the attic grew louder above her and the single bulb in the hallway began to flicker on and off.'

(Total for Question 4 is 4 marks)

For each subject below, write ONE original simile and ONE original metaphor. Your images must be fresh: do not use well-known comparisons such as 'silent as the grave' or 'a storm of emotions'.

(Total for Question 5 is 5 marks)

Descriptions are often more effective when they move from a WIDE view to a CLOSE-UP detail, like a camera zooming in. Write a short description (3 to 4 sentences) of a train station platform during rush hour. Start with a wide view of the whole platform and end with ONE small, close-up detail that you notice.

(Total for Question 6 is 5 marks)

Below are the topic sentences that open three consecutive paragraphs describing an allotment open day. As currently written, they do not link together. The first is done for you: 'The allotment open day began at ten o'clock.' Rewrite sentences 2 and 3 below (keeping their main content) so that each uses a cohesive device, such as a time connective or a reference back to the paragraph before, to link clearly to what came before it.

(a)Sentence 2: 'There was a competition for the best-grown vegetables.'(2)

(b)Sentence 3: 'The prize-giving happened at the end.'(2)

(Total for Question 7 is 4 marks)

Before writing a story titled 'The Night Bus', complete the five-box planning grid below. Write brief notes (not full sentences) for each stage of the story.

(a)Opening: introduce the character and setting.(1)

(b)Build-up: something starts to go wrong or feel strange.(1)

(c)Climax: the most dramatic moment of the story.(1)

(d)Resolution: how the immediate problem is sorted out.(1)

(e)Ending: how the story finishes, AND write ONE original twist idea, briefly explaining how it connects to at least two of your earlier stages.(2)

(Total for Question 8 is 6 marks)

Write the OPENING PARAGRAPH (approximately 60 to 90 words) of a story titled 'The Quiet Alarm'. Your opening must hook the reader immediately and clearly establish the setting. Do not write the rest of the story.

(Total for Question 9 is 10 marks)

Write ONE descriptive paragraph (approximately 80 to 100 words) describing a high-street bakery kitchen in the hour before dawn, as the first loaves go into the oven. You must use at least THREE different senses (not only sight) and at least one piece of figurative language.

(Total for Question 10 is 10 marks)

Write a short passage of DIALOGUE (approximately 8 to 10 lines of speech) between two cousins, Zainab and Marcus, who disagree about what to do with a wallet stuffed with cash that they found wedged in a bus seat. Use dialogue conventions accurately (a new line for each new speaker, correctly punctuated speech), and show each character's feelings through what they say and how they say it, without writing 'she said angrily' after every line.

(Total for Question 11 is 8 marks)

The passage below is written as one long run-on sentence, joined incorrectly by commas (comma splices). Rewrite it correctly, using a mixture of full stops and at least ONE semicolon OR at least ONE subordinating conjunction to fix the punctuation. Do not change the content or the order of ideas: 'The minibus turned into the mill yard, everyone climbed down still half asleep, Mrs Adeyemi checked the register twice, she wanted to be sure nobody had wandered off at the services, the great wooden wheel outside was taller than the whole minibus, it turned slowly with a steady grinding creak, inside the air smelled of flour dust and damp stone, nobody expected the noise to be so loud, it felt like standing inside a giant clock.'

(Total for Question 12 is 6 marks)

The words 'good', 'said', 'small' and 'went' are used in the short passage below. Replace EACH one with a more precise, context-appropriate alternative. Do not change any other words: 'It was a good morning. "Wake up," said Nana. We went to the small bakery at the end of the road.'

(a)Replace 'good'.(1)

(b)Replace 'said'.(1)

(c)Replace 'small'.(1)

(d)Replace 'went', AND check that all four of your replacement words together keep a consistent, natural tone across the whole passage.(2)

(Total for Question 13 is 5 marks)

Write a full descriptive piece (approximately 250 to 350 words) titled 'The Disused Observatory'. You are describing a place, not telling a story: there should be no significant sequence of plot events. Plan briefly before you write, and use the whole page.

(Total for Question 14 is 20 marks)

Write a story (approximately 350 to 450 words) that begins with these exact words: 'The photograph arrived without a single word of explanation.' You may continue directly from this sentence. Plan your structure briefly before you write, and leave a little time at the end to check your work.

(Total for Question 15 is 24 marks)

Write ONLY the turning-point (climax) scene from a story, in which a character exploring a coastal cave realises the tide has cut off the entrance behind them. Do not write the whole story: focus on building tension and use sentence structure and punctuation deliberately to control pace. Approximately 150 to 200 words.

(Total for Question 16 is 12 marks)

The paragraph below is flat and repetitive. Rewrite it as a single improved paragraph. Do not simply add adjectives to every noun. You must: vary your sentence openers and lengths; combine at least THREE of the short sentences into more complex sentences using subordination; add at least one piece of figurative language; and remove the monotonous 'I' plus verb pattern used throughout: 'I cycled to the park. It was windy. I saw a kite. I saw a puddle. I got home. I opened the shed. My dad whistled. I laughed.'

(Total for Question 17 is 10 marks)

Write the OPENING of a story titled 'The Empty Chair' (approximately 100 to 120 words) that uses a flash-forward structure. Begin at the most exciting or dangerous moment of the story, then use a clear structural marker (for example a paragraph break combined with a time phrase) to jump back and begin explaining, in a sentence or two, how the character got there.

(Total for Question 18 is 10 marks)

Mark scheme · EP.E77 Creative Writing Focus Set 5

Question 1

(a) B1 correct -ing opener (present participle) used at the start of the sentence, grammatically accurate, retaining both the circling and the hunting oe
(a) Answer: Circling slowly above the field, the hawk hunted for movement in the grass.
(b) B1 correct adverb opener used at the start of the sentence, followed by a comma, grammatically accurate, retaining all original information oe
(b) Answer: Ominously, the thunder rolled across the valley just after sunset.
(c) B1 correct preposition opener used at the start of the sentence, grammatically accurate, retaining all original information oe
(c) Answer: Around the pothole, the cyclist swerved at the last second.

Question 2

(a) B1 an expanded noun phrase with at least two relevant descriptive details consistent with a long-disused railway tunnel oe
(a) B1 details are grammatically integrated (pre- and/or post-modification, not just a string of adjectives) and specific rather than generic oe
(a) Answer: the brick-lined tunnel, its mouth choked with brambles that had grown undisturbed for decades
(b) B1 an expanded noun phrase with at least two relevant descriptive details consistent with a kind, forgetful caretaker oe
(b) B1 details are grammatically integrated (pre- and/or post-modification, not just a string of adjectives) and specific rather than generic oe
(b) Answer: the caretaker, a stooped man who hummed cheerfully to himself and often left his keys hanging in the door

Question 3

(a) B1 any onomatopoeic word suggesting an unpleasant grinding, groaning or shrieking sound, fitting the sentence grammatically oe
(a) Answer: groaned / ground / shrieked
(b) B1 any precise visual word suggesting disorder, sagging or decay (e.g. tattered, drooping, grey), fitting the sentence grammatically oe
(b) Answer: tattered / drooping / grey
(c) B1 any onomatopoeic word suggesting a banging, rattling or clattering sound, fitting the sentence grammatically oe
(c) Answer: banged / rattled / clattered

Question 4

B1 all key information from the original sentence is retained (Elsie frozen on the stair, the creak growing louder, the bulb flickering) oe
B1 at least three separate sentences are used, each no more than five words long oe
B1 each sentence is grammatically complete, or a single-word sentence is used deliberately for effect oe
B1 the sequencing of the short sentences builds tension effectively, for example through escalation or repetition oe
Answer: Elsie sat frozen. A creak. Louder now. Right above her. The bulb flickered, on and off.

Question 5

B1 an original simile for 'silence', grammatically correct (using 'like' or 'as'), that fits the connotations of silence oe
B1 an original metaphor for 'silence', stated directly (X is Y, or an equivalent construction), that fits the connotations of silence oe
B1 an original simile for 'a thunderstorm', grammatically correct, that fits the connotations of a thunderstorm oe
B1 an original metaphor for 'a thunderstorm', stated directly, that fits the connotations of a thunderstorm oe
B1 none of the four images is a well-known cliche, and all four are apt to their subject cao
Answer: Silence (simile): The silence settled over the room like a blanket nobody had asked for. Silence (metaphor): The silence was a held breath, waiting to be let go. A thunderstorm (simile): The thunderstorm rolled in like a lorry reversing over loose gravel. A thunderstorm (metaphor): The thunderstorm was a drum solo that refused to end.

Question 6

B1 opens with a genuinely wide view of the whole or general scene, rather than a single detail oe
B1 the description narrows progressively rather than jumping straight from wide view to close-up oe
B1 ends with one specific, small, close-up detail oe
B1 the close-up detail is used purposefully, for example to suggest a mood, contrast with the wide view, or hint at a story oe
B1 the piece reads as one coherent, fluent description rather than a list of disconnected sentences oe
Answer: The platform was a solid wall of coats and rucksacks, everyone facing the same direction as though pulled by an invisible string. Nearer the yellow line, a smaller cluster pressed forward each time a train's lights appeared in the distance. Closer still, only one man stood apart, back against a pillar, unmoving. Between his fingers, a train ticket for a service that had already left was slowly being torn into smaller and smaller pieces.

Question 7

(a) B1 the sentence retains its original core content (a best-grown-vegetables competition takes place) oe
(a) B1 a genuine cohesive device links the sentence to the open day starting (e.g. a time connective, or reference back to the start of the day) oe
(a) Answer: An hour after the gates opened, the competition for the best-grown vegetables got under way beside the greenhouse.
(b) B1 the sentence retains its original core content (a prize-giving takes place at the end of the day) oe
(b) B1 a genuine cohesive device links the sentence to earlier events (e.g. echoed vocabulary, a time connective, or reference to the competition already described) oe
(b) Answer: Once every vegetable had been judged, including the giant marrow that had drawn a small crowd all morning, the visitors gathered for the prize-giving.

Question 8

(a) B1 relevant, specific notes introducing a character and setting, consistent with the title oe
(a) Answer: Callum catches the last night bus home in heavy rain and sits beside an old man who keeps staring out of the window.
(b) B1 relevant notes showing an early sign of the coming problem, consistent with the story idea oe
(b) Answer: The bus takes a route Callum does not recognise, passing shopfronts and streetlamps that all look decades out of date.
(c) B1 relevant notes describing the most dramatic moment, directly connected to the earlier build-up oe
(c) Answer: The bus stops at a request stop that does not appear on any current map, and the old man rises and beckons for Callum to follow him off.
(d) B1 relevant notes showing the immediate problem being resolved, consistent with earlier stages oe
(d) Answer: Callum refuses to get off, and the driver, without turning round, tells him this is the last stop before the depot and that the road back to his own stop is straight ahead after all.
(e) B1 relevant notes providing a sense of ending or reflection, consistent with the rest of the plan oe
(e) B1 an original, inventive twist idea with a brief, valid explanation of how it connects to at least two named earlier stages oe
(e) Answer: Ending: Callum gets home safely and falls asleep still in his coat, telling himself the whole journey was a trick of tiredness. Twist: the next morning he finds a bus ticket in his coat pocket stamped with a date fifty years earlier, connecting the out-of-date shopfronts from the build-up and the old man's silent, insistent staring from the opening to something that was never fully explained.

Question 9

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): A compelling, original opening that hooks the reader immediately and sustains interest; the setting is vividly and economically established, creating a clear sense of atmosphere and place.
- Level 2 (3-4): A clear opening that engages the reader with a relevant hook (for example a question, action, or intriguing statement); the setting is established with some descriptive detail.
- Level 1 (1-2): A simple opening with a limited attempt to hook the reader; the setting is stated but not developed.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, including a range of punctuation used confidently; sentence structures are varied and controlled for effect.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate spelling and punctuation, with some variety of sentence structure, though not always used for effect.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 10

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): Vivid, well-controlled description using three or more senses convincingly; figurative language is original and enhances the atmosphere of a bakery kitchen before dawn.
- Level 2 (3-4): Clear description using at least two senses with relevant detail; includes an attempt at figurative language that mostly fits the scene.
- Level 1 (1-2): Simple description using mainly sight; limited range of sensory detail; any figurative language is undeveloped or a well-worn cliche.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, with ambitious vocabulary and varied, controlled sentence structures used to convey the warmth and quiet of the scene.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate spelling and punctuation; some variety of sentence length and openers, but simple sentence structures are repeated.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 11

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5): Dialogue convincingly reveals each cousin's distinct feelings and attitude to the wallet through what they say and how they say it, with minimal reliance on explanatory tags.
- Level 2 (3-4): Dialogue reveals some difference in the cousins' feelings or attitudes through word choice; the exchange feels reasonably natural.
- Level 1 (1-2): Dialogue is functional but mostly tells the reader how each cousin feels rather than showing it; little sense of individual voice.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3): Fully accurate dialogue punctuation throughout, including a new line for each new speaker and correctly placed speech marks and terminal punctuation.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate dialogue punctuation, with occasional slips in the new-speaker-new-line convention or speech mark placement.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 12

B1 'The minibus turned into the mill yard' and 'everyone climbed down still half asleep' correctly separated (full stop, or accurately joined with a conjunction) cao
B1 'Mrs Adeyemi checked the register twice' and 'she wanted to be sure nobody had wandered off at the services' correctly separated or accurately joined (e.g. with 'because') cao
B1 'the great wooden wheel outside was taller than the whole minibus' correctly separated from the surrounding text cao
B1 'it turned slowly with a steady grinding creak' correctly separated or accurately joined to the sentence before it (e.g. with a semicolon) cao
B1 'inside the air smelled of flour dust and damp stone' and 'nobody expected the noise to be so loud' correctly separated cao
B1 no comma splices remain anywhere in the passage, AND at least one semicolon or subordinating conjunction is used correctly somewhere in the response cao
Answer: The minibus turned into the mill yard. Everyone climbed down, still half asleep. Mrs Adeyemi checked the register twice because she wanted to be sure nobody had wandered off at the services. The great wooden wheel outside was taller than the whole minibus; it turned slowly with a steady grinding creak. Inside, the air smelled of flour dust and damp stone. Nobody expected the noise to be so loud. It felt like standing inside a giant clock.

Question 13

(a) B1 a more precise adjective describing the morning, e.g. golden, bright, mild oe
(a) Answer: golden / bright / mild
(b) B1 a more precise speech verb fitting a warm, encouraging tone, e.g. called, coaxed, sang out oe
(b) Answer: called / coaxed
(c) B1 a more precise adjective describing the bakery, e.g. cosy, tucked-away, narrow oe
(c) Answer: cosy / tucked-away
(d) B1 a more precise verb of movement fitting a relaxed birthday morning, e.g. wandered, meandered, strolled oe
(d) B1 all four replacement words together read naturally as one consistent passage, with no jarring shift in register or formality oe
(d) Answer: wandered / meandered

Question 14

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 4 (10-12): Sophisticated, original description that sustains atmosphere and viewpoint throughout; ambitious figurative language used precisely for effect; a deliberately crafted structure (for example a shifting focus, or contrast between past purpose and present neglect) shapes the reader's response.
- Level 3 (7-9): Detailed, engaging description using a range of the senses and some figurative language; a clear and controlled viewpoint with effective paragraphing.
- Level 2 (4-6): Clear description with some relevant detail and a recognisable viewpoint; organisation is mostly logical, with some paragraphing.
- Level 1 (1-3): Simple description with limited detail; little sense of viewpoint or structure; ideas may be listed rather than developed.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 3 (6-8): Spelling and punctuation are accurate throughout, including ambitious vocabulary and a wide range of punctuation used confidently and precisely for effect; sentence structures are varied and skilfully controlled.
- Level 2 (3-5): Consistently accurate spelling and punctuation, used to support meaning; a good range of sentence structures used with some control for effect.
- Level 1 (1-2): Frequent errors in spelling, punctuation and sentence structure that may obscure meaning.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 15

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 4 (12-14): A sophisticated, carefully structured narrative that manages the reader's response throughout, for example through pace, suspense or a controlled twist. Ambitious and precise vocabulary. A confident range of literary techniques used for deliberate effect. A strong, distinctive narrative voice, and full, purposeful use of the given opening line.
- Level 3 (8-11): A well-organised narrative with a clear structure, including an engaging development from the opening line and a satisfying or deliberately unresolved ending. A range of vocabulary and some deliberate use of literary techniques (for example dialogue, varied sentence lengths) to create effect.
- Level 2 (4-7): A clear narrative with a recognisable beginning, middle and end. Some appropriate vocabulary choices and occasional use of description or dialogue. Some awareness of the reader, for example through a simple attempt at atmosphere or tension.
- Level 1 (1-3): A simple, single-idea narrative. Limited vocabulary and mostly simple sentence structures. Little sense of structure, with beginning, middle and end uneven or unclear.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 4 (9-10): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are accurate throughout, even in ambitious or complex constructions. Punctuation is used for deliberate stylistic effect.
- Level 3 (6-8): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are consistently accurate across a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and direct speech where used.
- Level 2 (3-5): Spelling, punctuation and grammar are mostly accurate on simple sentence structures; some errors appear on more ambitious or complex sentences.
- Level 1 (1-2): Frequent errors in spelling, punctuation and grammar that sometimes obscure meaning. Little variety of sentence structure.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 16

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (6-7): A tightly controlled, gripping turning-point scene; both the realisation and the rising water are vividly dramatised, sustaining tension throughout.
- Level 2 (3-5): Clear building of tension with a recognisable turning point; the realisation is described with some immediacy.
- Level 1 (1-2): Some sense of danger or urgency, but pacing is inconsistent, or the turning point is not clearly dramatised.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 3 (5): Sentence structures and punctuation are deliberately and skilfully controlled to build tension and control pace, with full accuracy.
- Level 2 (3-4): Some use of sentence length or structure to affect pace; mostly accurate punctuation.
- Level 1 (1-2): Sentence structures are not varied or controlled for pace; punctuation errors may distract from the tension being built.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 17

Technical accuracy (sentence variety) (AO6)
- Level 3 (5-6): At least three original short sentences are successfully combined using accurate subordination; sentence openers and lengths are varied confidently and correctly punctuated throughout.
- Level 2 (3-4): Some successful combination of sentences using subordination; a little more variety in sentence openers and lengths than the original.
- Level 1 (1-2): Limited combination of sentences; sentence openers are still mostly repeated; at most one clause is joined by subordination.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Content (descriptive improvement) (AO5)
- Level 2 (3-4): Effective, original descriptive detail and figurative language are woven naturally into the improved paragraph, genuinely enhancing it.
- Level 1 (1-2): Some added descriptive detail and one piece of figurative language, though it may be undeveloped or only loosely connected to the sentence.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Question 18

Content and organisation (AO5)
- Level 3 (5-6): A confidently controlled flash-forward: the opening moment is genuinely tense or dramatic, the structural marker signalling the jump back is clear and purposeful, and the two time-frames are linked coherently.
- Level 2 (3-4): A recognisable flash-forward opening with a workable structural marker to signal the jump back; some engagement created by the dramatic opening moment.
- Level 1 (1-2): Attempts a flash-forward, but the structure is unclear, or the jump back to earlier events is abrupt or confusing for the reader.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.
Technical accuracy (AO6)
- Level 2 (3-4): Consistently accurate punctuation and sentence control, including a precise, deliberately chosen device to mark the shift between time-frames.
- Level 1 (1-2): Mostly accurate; a basic device, such as a simple time phrase, is used to mark the shift between time-frames.
- Level 0 (0): Nothing worthy of credit.

Creative Writing Focus Set 5 - Worksheets, Questions and Revision